Behind our Stories
One of the reasons I meditate is to see behind my stories. To see past all the "memories" about what I've done and whats been done to me. What I've accomplished, where I have failed. And there is such a clinging....to all of it. The further I get away from silence, from my meditation practice the louder these myths become.
So I crawl onto my meditation cushion, straighten my spine, close my eyes and drop into my heart. Thats the only place I can hear from a place of love. I sit in my heart and get quiet....to hear what kind of tales I've decided to latch onto today. When there is too much to digest I just name whatever I'm feeling. Becoming an observer.
Sometimes it feels like pure magic. But many times the observing goes something like this.... "Frustrated....frustrated...more frustrated...stay curious though...self pity....self pity and frustration...ANGER...so angry!...breath...stay curious....Gosh this just feels gross!..disgust....disgust....but I'm doing really well with this observing thing....pride and disgust." Haha you get the picture though, its a dance or a struggle, depending on the story you tell yourself.
But here is what I've found. My stories are wrong- they simply aren't true and I'm going to guess yours aren't either too. It's not the actual feelings that drag me under, it's these dang stories I carry on my back! It isn't the sadness, or the anger or the fear- its the story I've told about those feelings. The stories of I'm not strong enough or brave enough or whatever it is that I've have woven together. And when I learn to be with the anger instead of taking the story as truth then my response can come from a place of wisdom instead of how it aught to be.
Love you guys! Just wanted to get some thoughts on paper. As usual, I will be teaching meditation tomorrow at 7:15- 8:00am!!! Come sit with me and lets let go of some of those stories. Visit the "meditate" tab for more info on my site. www.moonwatermolly.com